Views from the King and Lady Knight
by AlannaXJon4ever
Summary: Drabbles and letters and snippets that we never knew occurred. From the POV of Jonathan of Conte and Alanna of Trebond, and what they thought of each other. A/J *NEW: THE GODS INTERFERE*
1. Jonathan

Tamora Pierce fanfiction wise, I haven't been a great author. So, this is a story to sort of boost my wanting to continue my story. Hopefully I will be able to post up the next chapter to Missing Adventure soon after this.

Warning: This is all A/J

Disclaimer: I don't own anything by Tamora Pierce.

Enjoy!

**Honor**

It was an honor to have Alanna as his squire. Sometimes, he even secretly prided his stupidity in taking her to the Black City, where many things were discovered. If it wasn't for the Ysandir that revealed to him that Alan of Trebond was actually a female in disguise, he would have never known. Yes, it was an honor all right.

**Bells**

When Gary ran up to him claiming he had heard the bells as he passed by Lady Cythera's room, he roared with laughter and told Gary that he needed a different pastime. Yet, while walking past his rooms, he stopped to watch his squire interact with Faithful. The cat rubbed his nose against her bare heel, and she suddenly threw her head back and laughed. Stunned, he realized that Gary was right about something. The bells were ringing.

**Attention**

Being the heir to the throne, he was the main center of attention every night. Even on his infamous squire's birthday, he was the center of attention. What his squire didn't know was that though he was the center of attention physically, she would always remain as the center of attention in his thoughts, forever.

**Duty**

What was duty? The country and its people were place first, self next. He learned that the hard way. Sure he had his lessons about it, but he never took those lessons seriously. Being an only child and the handsome heir to the throne, he was showered upon daily with gifts. It made him feel as though he always came first.

He soon learned that the country would end up in turmoil without him. Looking back at the last battle with Duke Roger, he realized how important his duty to his country was. No matter what, his duty came first. Just like the kings before him and the soon to be kings after him. A king would do his duty.

**History**

Kings would and should always make history. Drilled into his head day after day, he never thought else wise. Only after the messy first years of his knighthood did he realize that he could never make history. Not without his sword arm. His best friend. His squire. His love.

**Advice**

He had always told others to follow their hearts. He never was labeled as a sap, but he was known to give good advice for love after his parents' deaths. After a short revelation, he noticed that very few people gave him advice on love. Any advice given, he acted upon it. He strived to have an open mind as advised by his father. He strived to be gentler as advised by his mother. He strived to be less arrogant as advised by _her_.

Thayet never understood why Alanna told her that Jon was always arrogant. He didn't seem like that nowadays…

**Perseverance**

He knew this would happen. He mentally prepared himself, for he knew she followed her lessons well. She had it drilled in her head, as well, day after day. A squire of the future king should know his – or in this case her – duty well. That duty came before anything. So when she said "No," he knew that she felt it too. The duty that came with their roles becoming stronger than their love struck them hard. So, he moved on and persevered through everything. His only motivation of that perseverance was that she felt the same drive and was behind him all the way.

**Surprise**

It came as no surprise to him when Roald found out about his true love for Alanna. He really wasn't that discreet. Either the nobles were blind and daft or they just chose not to see it. What did surprise him was that his son stood by him the whole way.

"After all," he said, "if you cannot love from up close, at least love from afar."

**Honesty **

Her piercing stare is able to see through every lie he weaves around him. He supposes she gets it from her mother. His decision to be quite honest around her is what gives them their strong connection. When she was young, he confessed everything to her. Her ability to listen to everything he said is what kept him some throughout the years that Alanna refused to talk to him. When he sent her away to be married, he couldn't look anyone in the eye for days.

When Kalasin visited, she gave him one look and said, "Tell me that you've told Alanna whatever you've told me because if you haven't, I'll tell her myself." Once again, everything that was spoken from his lips was the truth. Kalasin just drew out his honesty.

**Color**

Every Midwinter he would receive many gifts in blue. He really didn't understand why everyone pegged him as a blue loving man, and every year his wardrobe would fill up with various items in various shades of blue.

It amused him and amazed him when, one year, he finally received a completely random item in a color other than blue. He was now the proud owner of a pair of red socks with a note on it.

_I never pegged you as a blue loving man A_

Holding the pair of socks in hand, he smiled. Red always was his favorite color.

**Memory**

He knew she had an excellent memory. So, it was odd that it surprised him that she remembered the exact time and date of their first kiss. No one realized that within the pendant he wore around his wrist was a picture of herself that she gave him on the fifth anniversary of that wondrous day. He knew that they both could only look upon that day as a memory of something that could never be. It just made that memory more worthwhile to remember.

**Trial**

She told him they should try to forget about their past interests. He looked at her as if she grew two heads. He'd love to see _her _try to forget about everything. What they shared was complicated and strong. The only way it could snap was if both of them tried to move on.

He smirked. She could try all she wanted, but with him holding on, the trial was in his favor.

…**And Error**

It is a universal fact that errors are not the most wanted. To put it simply, everyone hates errors no matter what people say about errors being experiences.

He was alone in his study when a petite form entered and locked the door behind her. He looked up to see her wring her hands nervously while walking towards him. He stood up to meet her with a questioning glance.

"I…I can't do it, Jonathan," Alanna whispered.

"You can't do what?" he asked in an equally soft voice.

"I can't pull off this façade any longer." She looked up at him with eyes glistening with unshed tears.

He pulled her towards him, murmuring, "Well, you don't have to do it alone." He cupped her cheek with one hand and ensnared her waist with the other hand. Leaning down, he captured her lips with his own.

He knows now that not all errors come with pain and punishment…some, with pleasure.

**Caution **

Everyone called him crazy. Most of the nobles just shook their heads at the sight of him. Thayet and Buri simply grinned while Raoul and Gary laughed as he passed them.

His gaze locked on a pair of purple eyes dancing with amusement.

"Prepared to die today, sire?" Alanna asked.

"Nope, but I am prepared to ram you off your horse." He always did throw caution into the wind when dealing with Alanna.

**Warmth**

For a long time, he was never warm. Sure, Thayet's body warmed him at night, his children warmed a certain part of his heart with their love, and during the summer he was far too hot to complain of the lack of the warmth.

When Alanna returned after her two year trip to Tussaine, no one, except he, knew of her early arrival until later that day. He roamed the hallways that day and abruptly stopped at the sight of the wild red bobbing towards him. After years of the numbness, a sudden flood of heat flowed throughout his body, warming him to the core.

Skidding to a halt before him, she breathlessly said, "I'm back."

A warm smile graced his features, the first since her departing banquet.

"Welcome home."

**Chances**

What are the chances that the one person he falls madly in love with happens to be his squire?

What are the chances that his squire who was one of the first girls to be knighted in centuries would end up falling just as hard for him?

What are the chances that fate had their futures listed in the sky, yet they went against it?

What are the chances that they both somehow went against all the forces in the universe just for their country and duty?

What are the chances that they didn't have the energy to keep pushing against those forces to be who they wanted to be, alone, without the prying eyes of the court to watch them?

Jonathan of Conte was sick of chances. From here on, he just wanted to take every moment as they came.


	2. The AU from Jonathan

I'd like the thank stormrider7 for being my beta for parts of this chapter and the last chapter. And I would like to thank MJE for betaing parts of the AU and giving me feedback on how to post this up. This is the AU part of my drabbles...all A/J of course. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Everything not owned by me belongs to Tamora Pierce

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**Secret **

She ran away. Gone for a year. Traveled hidden cities some say. Others say she tired from wifely duties. He understood why she ran. They shouldn't have done it, but once more before they were tied down to others couldn't hurt. Why didn't they notice that the charm had broken? When she came back, she had a blank stare on her face for days. He used his closest spies to find out where she had gone. Many would ask if he knew where she had gone, yet he still kept her secret. His secret. Their secret to share.

**Comfort **

A dull ache formed in his heart. The one organ that tied them together felt an acute stab every time he saw one of his own children. He knew she hurt to give away their only tie to their love, their child. He ached to see the beautiful young child grow up and run around at his feet.

Every night from the day she came back, he found her curled up by the gardens. Every night he whispered that everything would be okay, and that someday their child would be able to visit. She worried mainly about his reputation, already tainted with the many scandals of the past. He didn't care. All he knew and cared about was that he was her best source of comfort through the worst.

**Knowledge**

He soon learned of his child's whereabouts. His son was a cute boy. His name, Nathan, would be down in his will to inherit the property he bought in the south near Pirate's Swoop, where he would be close to both his true mother and father. For now, Nathan would live with the Bazhir who knew the true depth of his love for Alanna. The little boy's bright red hair and blue eyes hid him well. To everyone, he is an orphan. To his knowledge, he is his son, forever loved. In his mind, the distance created more love, and soon enough, he would visit.

**Sight**

Entering the tent for the first time in his life, he felt his heart swell in love at the sight of the small cherubic boy lying down on the pallet. Sadly, he was asleep, and he could not see his father for the first time.

He looked upon his child, watching the slow rise and fall of the tiny chest. His small cheeks were so flushed with the unbearable heat inside the tent that they matched the color of his hair. He knew that his son would soon be breaking hearts with his cute boyish complexion. Just the sight of his son made the hot trip south unnoticeable, and he sat down to gaze upon his tie to the woman he loves.

**Smug**

Understanding of the consequences that the reports might fall into the wrong hands, he still went ahead in asking his most trusted spy to give back some report about his son. While reading the daily report on the welfare of his son, he had to resist the urge of jumping out of his seat like a happy schoolboy when he read that the first word his son said was "Papa."

While passing by Alanna in the courtyards, he couldn't help but be smug at her grumpy expression as he told her the good news.

**Worry **

When Roald caught the flu at the tender age of two, it seemed like everyone, but him, was at wit end's end when they heard the news. Thayet hadn't strayed from her position beside the heir's bed, while he simply tended to business at hand. Of course he visited every day to see how his son's condition was, he did love him, yet he somehow knew that his son would make it. It was just the flu, after all.

But when the report that Nathan had caught the spreading virus came in after a week, his entire body wracked with worry. Rushing down at record speed to see the health of his favorite child, he collapsed with relief when the tribe's doctor told him that Nathan would be just fine, but shouldn't he still worry about the health of his other son whose body still racked with the fever?

**Punishment**

Frankly, he was worried. Those who were spoiled were the ones who were punished often for their horrible attitude and behavior, yet Nathan acted like the model child for parents all around. Alanna said it came from her side. He begged to differ. All of the boy's qualities came from him, except for the hair. She just raised her eyebrows and gave up on the fight.

Finally, though, the day came when the little boy pulled the largest tantrum on the day that both his parents came to visit. Nathan's punishment – no presents for a month from _either_ parent. His punishment – to hear Alanna sarcastically repeat that _all_ of the qualities came from him.

**Hope**

He practically fled Corus when he received word that Nathan was missing. He met Alanna at camp and the two of them tried to look for him through their combined magic. Nothing came up. Purely by luck did he find his son after roaming around in the desert for three days straight. Somehow, Nathan protected himself with magic after exhausting himself while running around.

When he returned with the boy, healthy, and asleep, Alanna literally threw herself at him and kissed him with passion after seeing that he recovered their child. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope for them after all.

**Intellect**

On his eighth birthday, Nathan specifically told his parents weeks before that he didn't want a present. So, when the two came to visit their son on his birthday, empty handed, they worried for the sanity of their child.

"Since you claimed insanity ran in your family, it's your fault he turned out crazy," he told her.

"My fault?! No way! You're the one who said that all the qualities came from you!" she whispered back exasperatedly.

"I meant all the good qualities."

"You should have said so." With that, they both entered the tent to meet a solemn red haired child.

"I want to know why you only visit and why I can't live with you," he said softly, looking up at them with large innocent eyes. Both parents turned to each other smiling sadly. They knew they would have had a very intelligent child together.

**No Chance**

The night of his son's eighth birthday, he was grief-stricken and full of regret. Regretful that Alanna and he should have lived together to not put their child full of pain and full of grief to see their son turn his back on them after they told him their story. Alanna tried to console the boy, for, after all, so much news all at once at a young age would throw the child into shock. Nathan simply pushed his mother away claiming to want to be alone. Clearly he didn't like what he heard and had wanted to have no wanting for his parents. Noticing this, she burst into tears and ran out of the tent to head for their tent. He calmed her down enough to stop her tears, but she still dry-sobbed.

She told him that after their talk with Nathan, she would have married him in a heartbeat. He knew, there was no chance of them being together in public for their son, and he sorely wished he could change all that.

**Waiting**

They both waited together in their tent. He held her in his arms while kissing her every now and then, while she just buried her head in his chest waiting for their son to come and visit them and tell them what he wanted from them. They waited so long for their son to come visit. After three days and no sign of Nathan, Alanna grew a bit hysterical and he was alarmed at the sudden showings of emotion. After calming her down, he sent letters to Corus alleging that the tribe's "festivals" wouldtake longer than usual. He didn't mind the wait as long as he got to hold the one he held dear in his arms.

**The Verdict**

Five days after his birthday, Nathan finally came back to them. Both of them stood and looked at the young boy with wide eyes. He didn't like the arrangements at all. He wanted them all to live together as a happy family. He was surprised that he was born to them both with their reputations and strong desire to uphold their duty, but he was happy that they were a bit rebellious. He sighed saying that of course he would still love them no matter what.

"Oh Nathan!" Alanna cried running to hug her child after the long five days.

"But I have some requests," Nathan said.

"Anything!"

"I want you both to visit on the same day for at least a week every two months no matter what scandals you have to go through."

The verdict was tough, but he could live with it.

**Scandalous**

It was a couple weeks before Nathan's thirteenth birthday when the spy reports fell into the wrong hands. It was bound to happen sometime, but he wasn't completely prepared for the reaction of the court and his wife and children.

Amazingly enough, his children were quite excited at the prospect of having a step-brother. Roald and Kalasin didn't like it as much as the younger children, but with the knowledge that he truly loved Alanna in hand, they soon forgave him. Surprisingly, Thayet just accepted it.

"I always knew you loved her, and it shouldn't be scandalous since it was before we were married."

The court had no knowledge that Alanna had been pregnant before the marriages and the rumors were harsh. Without a doubt, it was the most scandalous thing any king had ever done, and he was proud to be the first.

**Overhearing**

He had always thought that he received the brunt of the impact of the rumors on the scandal involving Nathan, but he was sorely mistaken as he passed by Alanna and George's room.

"I trusted you. I loved you. We got married despite the fact that I knew that deep down inside you would always love Jonathan," George said.

"I love you too! You know that! This was a…a…" she couldn't finish the sentence knowing that it wasn't a mistake. They were both proud of the son they had together.

"Why did you marry me then?"

"Because Jonathan and I could never be together. I could never become his queen. He and I both know that." He knew that but he didn't want to tell Alanna that he didn't quite care.

"So I was the replacement?"

"No. Stop it! I told you I love you. You know I do! That was the past. I was pregnant in the past…before our marriage."

"You had sex the _day_ before our marriage," George retorted.

"I – I'm sorry. So sorry, George." He could hear the broken voice clearly and knew she was crying. There was a sudden urge to protect her and beat George senseless for making Alanna cry. He leaned into the shadows as he watched George harshly leave the room with a furious expression. He thought that George would have understood. He calmly walked into the rooms and soothed her. Overhearing had its bonuses.

**Acceptance**

Nathan visited the palace, finally, on his eighteenth birthday. The nobles didn't recognize him at first, but slowly they started to see the resemblances between the young man and his father and mother. He had his mother's hair, nose and ears, while keeping his father's jaw structure and stunning eyes. Most of the nobles greeted him with warm smiles. How could they not when the young man charmed them all, old, young, male and female. Thayet could not stop dancing with Nathan, and he had to pull her out after three dances to let the other ladies have a turn.

His children met him with warm embraces and were each, in turn, intrigued that he shared similar views with them all. Alanna's children met him with wide grins and were not turned away despite the fact that their father didn't speak to their mother for months because of their dispute over this man. Even George greeted the man nicely, albeit not warmly like everyone else had. Nathan's charm was wasted on his stepfather, and soon, the young adults pulled him away after his many efforts to make his stepfather like him. George was still a bit sullen with the entire affair.

Alanna couldn't resist enjoying herself at among the first parties she readily went to. Raoul and Gary simply could not believe that he kept his son away from court when he was so loved here. He just smiled and was finally glad that his son, was at last, accepted by all.

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Reviews please! And please give feedback on whether you want more drabbles or not


	3. Squire Alanna

I decided that I would write some more drabbles...two more from Alanna and then I would write a bunch of letters sent from Jonathan and Alanna to each other. Thanks to MJE for reviewing and to prod me to update and write some more...and Alley-Marty for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Everything that doesn't belong to me...belongs to Tamora Pierce...which is to say everything

**Envy**

What, her, jealous? No, not possible at all. In fact she wasn't just jealous, for that was for petty people. She was absolutely green with envy. How dare that little green-eyed flirt turn _her _Jonathan into some lovesick puppy!

What had happened to the calm and collected Jonathan she knew and…did she love him? Was that the reason behind the furious wanting to throttle the gorgeous Delia of Eldorne every time she saw him walk away at night with her? Or was it because she could barely get any sleep because it was a proper lady instead of her causing Jonathan to be so pleased? Either way, Delia of Eldorne was up for a nasty surprise when she entered her rooms that night. And all because she had let a bit of envy get to her.

**Regrets **

The ball held in anniversary of the King and Queen was not to be ruined. Everyone knew that, especially herself as she dressed up finely in her squire's attire given to her by him just a few minutes ago. It did not escape her notice that his gaze lingered on hers for a while longer after he accidentally brushed her arm with his own. She wondered what the reason was, and blushed as she realized the reason behind his stare. He simply walked away from her without a second glance to slightly bang the door in nervousness. This was new.

As she awaited the arrival of Lady Delia on the hand of her knight master, she kept her laughter on the inside at the prank she pulled. At last, the lady arrived with the prince and laughter followed in their wake. The couple stopped abruptly wondering what all the humor was about. As Lady Delia turned her back towards Jonathan, his eyes filled with mirth as he tried to control his laughter. When his twinkling gaze met her guilty dancing eyes, she held no regrets that she had cut the backside to Lady Delia's dress and would gladly take the consequences.

**Affection**

Walking into her rooms with Faithful at her heels, she blinked rapidly at the visions of white spread throughout her room. At least about a dozen white roses were spread across her room. A smile slowly crept onto her face. Suddenly, she didn't feel like murdering her knight master for dropping a bowl of soup on her twice that day.

It happened again the next day, except the roses were pink, and this time she couldn't recall what Jon had done to upset her…

The third day it happened, with red roses, she got a bit annoyed. What was with the roses? She didn't exactly like the job of hiding the beautiful flowers so there was no point in giving her them. And the spreading of flowers just irritated her, giving her a harder job. Luckily, she spotted a note on her pillow.

_Just like the roses get darker everyday, my affection grows stronger for you…_

Flopping onto the bed, she figured that she could get used to the affection he was giving her. Besides, she loved roses, and the red ones were the best.

**Spark**

Did he feel it too? The sudden heat, the electricity, the faint feeling of an ache that had just disappeared; all _she _did feel as their arms brushed while walking down the hallway to the halls to practice sword fighting.

She left his side as they came to the room to change into their protective gear, and all the while she felt his gaze locked on her as she walked away. His eyes glazed over as if in a trance, and she wondered if she had the same look when she watched him as well without his knowledge.

They fought hard and fair, but her small frame was able to take him down easily, and as he fell, his hand grabbed her arm and brought her down with him. She got up slowly to realize that they were in a precarious position, and despite that, she lingered wondering if he could feel the electricity flowing between them. She stayed a while longer, looking into his bottomless blue eyes and knew that he, too, felt the spark between them. The only question was how far would she go to make that spark into a flame?

**Flame**

It truly was frustrating. Despite all the energy between them, he wouldn't do anything about it. He refused to make the first move and she was just as stubborn as he was. She knew this game too well seeing it played in the Court, and she would not take any part in it. Yet, it was harder and harder to fight the urge to retaliate and start something she knew she couldn't win. He was driving her crazy with his smoldering gazes and frequent minute details that sent her heart thumping overtime. He was pushing her a little at a time, until finally, she cracked. She frustrated him as well by "flirting" with the other knights and squires, making him squirm with jealousy. She had even gone so far as to lie on his bed in a pose so innocent yet seductive that made even him tremble as he strived for control. He didn't fight fair, though, and she lost quickly within a couple weeks.

As she closed the distance between them and kissed him hard, that night, releasing all her pent up emotions, she knew she was foolish to have even competed in this game, and she knew that she would have done anything to convert their spark into a flame.

**Fear**

The pressure was getting to her. She knew she couldn't lose him just yet. He was too much to lose and she couldn't bear the thought of him not existing in her life. She was desperate to allow him to survive. She wouldn't let anything take him away. No one might realize, but she knew how dangerous his uncle was. He was not a person to underestimate, and she knew it was about time that he pulled one of his tricks up his sleeve to get rid of him.

Every night, she had the same dream. It always ended up with her not able to hold on to him at the last minute as Duke Roger killed his nephew with a vengeance. And every night she woke up drenched in her sweat, only to walk over to the connected doors and see Jon asleep, safe and sound…for now.

This night was no different, except for the fact that this time, she wasn't even close, but too far to be able to save him. And this time, everyone in the palace watched and did nothing to help save the prince. Scared by the thought that it had already happened, she woke up with a terrified whimper. Her eyes were wide as they met the looming blue eyes in front of her, full of concern for her well being.

"You were making these awful noises, and I was wondering if you had been stabbed," he joked lightly. Once he saw her eyes brimming over with tears at the thought of _him _being stabbed, he simply pulled her into a fierce hug. He was always her protector through anything.

**Change **

"You've changed," George mused quietly as they walked through the streets of Corus. "There is something about your stride…it's become all graceful all of a sudden."

"What are you talking about? There's nothing different about the way that I'm walking," she looked up at him with a confused expression. Were there changes in her?

"Yea, even Jon's been walking differently, as if the world was a much better place. Even Gary was like that when he met Lady Cythera–," he stopped, causing her to crash into him from behind.

"What? What's wrong?" she fidgeted nervously as he turned around to inspect her.

He sighed softly, "This is your stop." She looked up to see the palace gates. They parted, and as she walked up to the palace, she watched her stride. It was sort of graceful now, wasn't it? She had a little bounce in her step as if she was keeping in all energy to run in full sprint as if something was waiting for her within the walls of her temporary home. That was it though. Something was waiting for her; or rather someone was waiting for her. He changed her, and she changed him as well. Hopefully, it was for the better, but she knew nothing could be done about it now. They couldn't go back from here.

**Cherry**

They were in his rooms. A sudden gust of wind brought in heavy snowfall causing everyone to be trapped in their rooms due to the fact that all the hallways had lost all their heat. It would be suicidal for anyone to exit their rooms at this point. Neither of them complained. How could they when they would be alone together for at least two days, and with no interruptions, what more could they ask for.

They sat before the heat of the fire blazing in the fireplace eating the various fruits they had stored in the rooms before, well aware of the upcoming weather thanks to the black cat that lay at their feet. All was well before he had plopped a cherry into his mouth and sucked at it as if mocking the things he could have sucked. Her mouth felt dry, and her lips chapped at the sight before her. Agonizingly, almost teasingly, he slowly licked his lips to remove the juice. She mimicked his actions, and the next thing she knew was that she was on the rug near the fire with his slightly long hair tickling her nose as he feverishly kissed every inch of her face. Cherries suddenly became her favorite fruit.

**Gift **

The huge front hall echoed with the tapping of her foot as she waited anxiously for him to show up so that they could spend some time in Corus looking for some books to develop their magic. She knew with Midwinter coming up, she had to buy him a present, but with their new status in their relationship, she was at loss for what to buy him.

He met her, punctual as always, and they strolled through the gates to proceed with the much needed shopping trip. While perusing through the multiple book stalls, she lost track of both time and Jon. After much searching, she found him lingering near the sock stall for some odd reason. She asked him several times throughout the day when they got back as to why he was near that stall when he had enough socks, and he simply replied with silence and a shifty look in his eyes.

That Midwinter, she awoke to a startling sight. On the edge of her bed, a locket lay. Opening it, a miniature portrait of Jon smiled lovingly back at her. With the gift came and inscription on the back: _No matter what, you will always remain closest to my heart. _

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Reviews Please!


	4. Lady Knight

I would like to thank tortallanrider for looking over my story and giving good feedback :) And I would also like to thank MJE who is standing by this story the whole way also giving good feedback

Disclaimer: I do not own anything by Tamora Pierce

A/N: I will update in a about a week because I have to get ready to get back home...and when I do I will update as soon as possible!

Enjoy!

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**Broken**

Surrounded by Bazhir people, she tried to smile to reassure them all that she was fine. What was one fight to a Lady Knight? She could get through so much more! One little fight with the Prince wasn't enough to make her crumble, right? Besides, it wasn't as if he tore her heart out and stomped it, and he took it with him without allowing anyone to come help her pick up the pieces. She was perfectly fine.

She knew they knew, and it didn't help her situation any more. She hated the fact that she could mask most things; she did, after all, hide her femininity throughout her years at the palace, so damn it! Why couldn't she hide the pain?

She had to run away. She couldn't stand their sympathy. And as she ran to her tent before the fresh batch of tears poured down, she knew that she may be a Lady Knight, but she was broken.

**Rebound**

It wasn't wrong. George offered her comfort, something she badly needed, and she took it. She needed his love, thirsted for it like a man in a dry desert thirsted for water. She really didn't think twice about it. There was nothing really wrong about taking his love. Besides, she told him many times that she loved him like a brother, and he knew it. After all the times she told him and the added factor that she still loved Jon, she knew he knew that this wasn't anything major. So why did it still feel like a rebound?

**Proper**

It was hard to not like Thayet after meeting her. Despite the princess's gorgeous looks, she was a strong and sweet person at heart. She didn't use her beauty like the other Court ladies did. She probably didn't realize that she was the most beautiful woman on the planet.

Upon meeting the lovely princess, she knew. She knew she couldn't be Jon's queen. She couldn't become as diplomatic as Thayet. She wasn't the right person for the job. Thayet had fresh ideas for the country, and hopefully, she could become the proper queen of Tortall.

If she couldn't be Jon's queen, she would at least find someone who could do the job justice, and hopefully, ease her aching heart. Perhaps Jon would relinquish his hold on her heart in hopes of securing Thayet's.

**Sick**

As she threw up over the side of the ship taking her home, she couldn't help but remember a time when she threw up, not at the sea sickness, but at the sight of blood. She remembered his large warm hands, softly brushing her hair back as he calmly gave her water. The fierce concern shining in his eyes made her breath hitch as she peered at him over the cup of water.

She jumped at the sudden flashback and felt that familiar ache in her chest. The remembrance of what they had made her entire body tremble, and she felt a different sickness spread through her at the thought of the matchmaking job ahead of her. She was tired of feeling this way, and she would gladly exchange this for seasickness

**Alone **

Finally, she was able to smell the familiar scents of the marketplace as she walked past the friendly street venders. After a year of roaming the world, she was ready to come home.

After getting Thayet and Buri settled in the palace to rest after their long journey, she was relaxing and living in the moment. She passed by many lords and knights who simply gaped and gossiped as they saw her pass by them. Rubbing the crick in her neck, she looked around in paranoia feeling someone staring at her. She looked over her shoulder and just saw the palace with a random window open. The blue curtains signaling the royal chambers fluttered in the breeze, and she simply shrugged and walked on. She knew that she was acting crazy, but she couldn't shake off that weird sensation as she kept looking over her shoulder. She was sure someone was staring at her!

At last, she understood the feeling. No one was staring at her. She simply wished that someone would come up to her and speak to her like they used to when she was a squire. Standing still in the crowded streets, she stared down as a feeling of sadness swept over her. She was more alone at home without his company than she was in any other place. In this city she calls home filled with people pushing and shoving to make their way in this world, she was alone.

**Letting Go**

She watched him get married to someone else but her. She wasn't the type of girl to jump up and down in excitement at the prospect of getting married, but she did expect Jon and herself to have lived together in peace. Somehow, through everything they've gone through, she thought they would make it through the rest of their lives. She yearned to take it all back and have never fought in the first place.

But she couldn't. Thus, she sat next to her fiancé while watching the love of her life get married to someone he would hold dear for the rest of his life. Someone who's not her. It was too much. How did her life get contorted this way? Summoning the last bit of courage she had in her, she waited the entire wedding out.

She stood outside in the gardens. The reception was too much for her to bear. She reminisced about the funerals that had taken place a few months back. Liam, Thom, Faithful; they would never come back to life. The loss she had felt then was great, but this loss was greater. She fell to her knees on the soft grass in the secluded part of the gardens and let it go. She tried to let him go thinking that this was the end of the misery, but she never knew that it would come and haunt her in the months to come.

**Realize**

She stood in the corner with Raoul who looked disgustedly at the merriment before them. They always hated the balls, and since their nuptials, Jon and Thayet seemed to have thrown more than any other king had before. The though wasn't pleasant to the couple standing in the shadows mourning the loss of the time they could have spent training.

As she watched the multiple nobles twirl on the floor and make fools of themselves by drinking themselves silly, she couldn't help but stare at a man that wasn't her husband. He was looking extremely handsome today in his dark blue tunic that complimented both his eyes and windswept hair. He looked up and met her gaze with eyes filled with an emotion she didn't understand.

"You may not realize, but everyday, at the meetings even, he looks at you the same way. For a smart knight, you are daft when it comes to men and their emotions. Hasn't living with them sharpened your eyesight to what lies before you?" Raoul whispered in her ear.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Raoul. You've been drinking too much," she laughed lightly and tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. He laughed as well, but abruptly ended it with a long sigh.

"Then I'm sure you know you look at him the same way. Every single day, ever since you both were married to wrong people." He looked away trying to hide the sympathy in his eyes. She was too quick for him and understood his expression clearly.

"You're treading into deep waters."

"I know everything that happened, Alanna. I'm not proud of what my two friends became that day. I'm very sure my two friends don't realize that they messed up something they could never get back. Look where you've ended up."

"I've become a happy Lady Knight with free roaming powers and am able to live my life the way I wanted to," she snapped.

"Yes, but is that worth the misery you will have for the rest of your life. Is it worth lying to yourself and everyone and denying Jon and yourself something that's far more valuable than life itself?"

"Since when have you become so intellectual on such matter?" she asked, fearful of everything he was laying down on her.

"Since Jon told me that he didn't truly love Thayet." With that, he walked off to leave her to her thoughts. She realized why she never got over him. He never gave her up, and she didn't know whether she wanted him to or not.

**Acceptance**

She was called into his rooms. Apprehension filled her body as she numbly walked towards his room. What had she done now?

"Lock the door behind you, Alanna," he had said without looking up the paper he was reading. She closed the door behind her and locked it slowly.

"What's wrong, Jonathan?" she asked, treading lightly as she walked up to him.

"Does something have to be wrong in order for me to call you up here?" he asked without a trace of amusement. She didn't like the way this was going and ended the topic quickly.

"No, but usually there is something wrong, like the people of some town have a problem with bandits, or there usually is something going on. Perhaps there is a meeting you wish for me to attend or a ball that I shouldn't miss? If it's your son's birthday, then don't worry. I even have his present picked out and –"

"How can you live like this?" he demanded furiously. He finally raised his head to meet her gaze with eyes filled with anguish. "How can you survive day after day, knowing that you will never be whole," he continued while getting up to come around the desk to stand by her. "How can you live knowing that someone you aren't married to holds your heart?"

She shook her head. "No, Jon, please don't. I – I am not having this conversation with you now."

He banged his fist on the desk, causing her to jump in alarm. He was never usually violent. "I say we do! Why can't you accept it, deal with it, and live with it, with me? Do you really hate me so, Alanna? Why did you turn me down? You knew that I could never move on in this way. Do you really want me to live in misery?"

"I didn't know, Jon!" she frustratedly ran her hand through her hair. "How was I to know that you wouldn't let me go? How was I to know that we would both end up miserable? How was I to –" she stopped, realizing her mistake.

"You feel it too! If it's tormenting you so much, why didn't you do something about it?" he asked in a livid tone. His eyes held a glint of anger.

"I didn't know you felt this way." She grasped at straws now, looking for anything to avoid this confrontation now. She wasn't ready!

"Don't give me that. You know perfectly well what you're doing to me. A little birdie overheard your conversation with Raoul seven months ago."

"Who?" she asked looking fearful that someone would have heard Raoul declare her emotions to anyone else but her.

"Gary." Of course. He was nearby waiting for Cythera to come down after putting their son to sleep.

"That's beside the point. Alanna, we need to do something about it."

"There's nothing to do. I don't have any feelings for you anymore!" She was surprised that she was able to say that without faltering. Her lying skills were becoming better.

"I can prove you wrong," he murmured. He roughly pushed her against the desk as his lips captured hers in a feverish kiss. She moaned into his mouth, and as quickly as he kissed her, he ended it.

He looked at her with his eyebrows raised. She looked away allowing her internal battle to play out when she accepted that she didn't want to be miserable. She accepted their situation, and it surprised them both when she took his hand in both of hers.

She let out a shaky breath. "What can we do?"

**Reason**

Reasonable, that's how a knight is supposed to act in any situation. There are guidelines on reason for many things such as how to deal under pressure, how to deal with nobles of another country's court, and etiquette. To her irritation, no one thought of guidelines on how to act reasonably for infidelity, though, it was done quite often in the palace that she wasn't sure who was the wife and who was the mistress…

Was that what she was? A mistress? Shaking her head to clear those thoughts, she knew her position was different than all of the others who cheated for the pleasure. Not that she didn't gain any pleasure, but those thoughts wouldn't help. She blushed and walked straight into something quite hard. Hands supported her as she regained her composure.

"Thinking a bit too hard about certain things?" he asked smirking as she yet again blushed.

"At least I paid attention to what the Scanran nobles wanted to negotiate on instead of wearing a gleeful grin that made everyone look at you as if you went mad," she retorted, her lips twitching as she thought of the humorous moment earlier that day.

"At least I didn't spill my wine on Buri because I was too busy gazing off into the distance." And the two of them walked down the hall trying to on-up each other until she couldn't stand it anymore. He kept taunting her and flinging innuendoes at her till she was practically trembling in anticipation for the upcoming night. She couldn't wait. She quickly pulled him into the closest empty room and locked the door behind them. She quickly shut up his laughter with a well placed kiss while questioning why their love even needed a reason. She was glad no one was stupid enough to create guidelines.

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	5. Letter from Jonathan

Sorry for the huge delay. I was on vacation again and there was no internet connection and then school started…yes I know. All excuses and that's not exactly a good thing, so I'm making it up with two chapters at once. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters by Tamora Pierce.

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_Dearest Alanna,_

_I'm sorry that I called you unfeminine, but you have to know that you should have just accepted- _

Crumpling the paper, he threw it towards the bed and started afresh.

_Alanna, _

_You didn't have to reject my proposal to prove how full of pride I am. I never told you about your lack of certain feminine qualities – _

He looked at his paper in disgust as he read what his anger forced his hand to write. If she ever found that…He shuddered to think of her fearsome wrath.

_To: Alanna,_

_You can't possible understand how hard it is to be a prince. You barely know anything and I am glad that you rejected – _

Who was he kidding? Of course he wasn't happy with the fact that she rejected him so why would he rub salt into his own wounds?

_My dear Lioness,_

_Come home soon. We miss you. I – I miss you, and I need you here. I can't go through two deaths without your loving support. Please come home, to me. _

_Love,_

_Jon._

Groaning in frustration he got up from his desk. Sending that letter would be the jolting end to their rocky relationship. He needed to show her that he changed. He would no longer want to tie her down. He would let her roam and be who wanted to be. Her unhappiness shouldn't be because of his needs. He walked slowly towards the window to watch for the sunrise. Maybe he would be lucky today and see the lovely redhead riding towards him.

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	6. Letter from Alanna

From Alanna in the Bazhir Tribe after Thayet and George visit. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything by Tamora Pierce or related to her…how sad :(

A/N: Should I end here or would you want me to continue because I was thinking that I could start a whole new set of drabbles…Review to tell me please!

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_Jonathan, _

_Congratulations on securing Thayet as your wife! Aren't you glad we fought in the desert so that this ending could have been achieved –? _

She smacked her forehead at the words she penned on the paper. She may be a bit frank but she wasn't daft!

_To: the King,_

_Many congrats for your upcoming nuptials. I'd like to inform you that George and I are also engaged. We would never be here in this stupid situation if it wasn't for you being such a prat and prig – _

Alarmed at her increasing anger towards a small issue as writing a note of congrats, she threw it aside. Taking a deep breath, she started a new letter.

_Dear Jon,_

_Is it wrong for an engaged woman to love her king who is also engaged? I wish I could change everything back to when I was a squire and you were my knight master. All we had to do was hide our relationship, but now…it's just not the same. I love George, and I know you love Thayet. But is it the same? Can we live on like this forever with a person who we can't give our entire heart to?_

_Love,_

_Alanna_

She looked over at her latest letter. Ripping it, she tossed it into the fire. Though she may not like the situation they were in, she refused to destroy the country and ruin Jon's happiness. He looked better than he had before. Maybe even better than he looked ever. Staring moodily into the fire, for once she wished that this world had no nobility or king. It was their biggest barrier, and there would never be a time where she didn't slipinto a false reality where they could just be Alanna and Jon with no major titles in the way.

Getting up to go to bed, she knew that these memories would haunt her forever.

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	7. Jonathan scrying

Hello again…didn't think I would update so soon huh? Some faith you all have :P Hope you enjoy this latest installment.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything by Tamora Pierce

A/N: Sorry that it's really short...and well the past two chapters were short as well, so sorry for that, and there will be a second part to this in Alanna's point of view which I will post as soon as possible. Okey doke? Enjoy!

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It wasn't the first time he was scrying for her, nor would it ever be the last. True, they were married to different people and he should really be scrying for his wife who was also in battle, but he knew she would survive. She had the best protection the royalty could offer, and he couldn't shake off the funny feeling that Alanna would not get past this battle unscathed. She wasn't old. Hell, she still looked as young as she did after she got her shield, with a few added worry lines of course. That she worried for him even though he barely went into battle sent his heart beating at abnormal rates as his hopes were raised that she still continued to love him like she did before.

The battle waged on. He watched her skillfully dodge the bigger men. Every clang her sword made against another sent him on edge as he prayed for her to survive this challenge. He did not stop scrying till her battle was over. Even after the major battle near his wife had been won by his troops, he still did not move from his seat to welcome his weary wife back home. There were more important things at hand, and her existence on this planet mattered more to him than any other living form.

At last, the battle was won, but at the cost of her needing stitches. He can't recall a time where he felt more worried for her, and he longed for him to be once again the knight master watching over his squire at the Tusaine War. She looked up as if knowing that he watched over her. The last thing he saw before acknowledging the fact that he _should _go meet his wife was her smiling and mouthing that she missed him and would come home soon.

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	8. Alanna knows

And here is part two…Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything by Tamora Pierce.

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She knew he was watching for her. Obviously she couldn't catch him at it, but a gut feeling knew that he was worried for her, just like she worried over him on his extremely stressful days of being cooped up and serving as a desk knight. She knew he longed for her like she longed to be with him at a time when she became a knight, and they were both free and able to roam.

She never understood his fascination for scrying for _her _of all people. George never scried for her during any of her battles, and yet here he was, scrying for her through every single battle. She thought he was being ridiculous about fretting over her, but secretly, she loved the fact that he cared as much as she did. The very thought of him still loving her despite all their fallouts made their love stronger and not as surreal as it used to be. And dare she say it, more tangible than his marriage and love to Thayet?

As she fought hard against her opponents, she couldn't help but imagine him sitting there cursing under his breath at the folly of her fighting those who were much larger than she was. She imagined each crease in his forehead deepen as his anxiety at her surviving this fight grew. The thought of him hissing under his breath at her receiving a hard blow brought her back to the battle as she felt the blood ooze from her hip at a painful blow from a sword. Swiftly, she brought her opponent down and forced herself to live in the moment.

A trumpet was blown to announce that they had won a battle near theirs, and she knew that though his wife had won and was coming home safely, he wouldn't know about this until after he knew she was safe. She knew that he would continue to grit his teeth and grasp the sides of the mirror so tight that his knuckles would turn white. He would continue to look after her mentally though they were miles apart.

The enemy number began to dwindle as the foe saw no way of bringing down Tortall's armies. Another trumpet sounded to notify that they had won this battle, and everyone returned to the healer's tent. She surveyed her wounds before she looked up as if sensing that someone watched her. Smiling wearily, she knew that he was looking straight at her.

"I miss you. I'm coming home soon," she whispered and moved slowly through the crowd of soldiers and knights to her tent.

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	9. The Gods Interfere

A sort of prequel to Last Chance. Yes this is just me advertising my other Tamora Pierce story... ) But even though it's not from the POV of either Jon or Alanna, it's still about them and their hope to be together and what the god's think...so Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Gods from Tamora Pierce, or her human characters :( How sad...I always wondered what would happen if I owned Jon... :D

A/N: This is not a stand alone. There will be a second and possibly third part to this interference of the gods.

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"Are things going as planned, Great Lady? I should hope so, for everything always goes your way," Mithros smirked at the beautiful woman pacing in front of him. Her green eyes flashed dangerously as she swirled around to glare at her brother.

"And I'm positive that everything always goes your way," she retorted, walking back to the large dish of water. Flinching at the several scenes that played out in front of her, she angrily pushed the dish off the table.

Raising his eyebrows in amusement, he tried to cough indiscreetly to hide the laughter threatening to overflow.

"Do you think this is funny! They were supposed to be married. She was supposed to raise children that would come under me and –"

"Help you make Tortall the strongest country to unite the world," he recited. "We've heard this so many times, Sister, that I think that everyone was bored of the idea," he drawled, gesturing his hands to produce a picture of the Tortall that would have been.

"Are they masochists?" she fumed as her black hair swished behind her as she began pacing. "Can't you do anything? You are the boy's patron –"

"We are not to interfere in mortals' affairs unless we are called upon or they unconsciously need us." He got up, frustrated at his sister's sudden lack of knowledge.

"Do we then sit here for the third generation after King Jonathan the Third to ruin the world with the plague that kills everyone off? It is an unmovable future. If he is to marry Thayet, the third generation will ruin this world, and they will live in wars forever, despite the aid of the best mages and knights Tortall will ever have…" She could not go on. The despair overtook her as her brain replayed the few scenes that the water had shown her.

He knew that the wondrous world that was created so many millenniums ago would come crashing down with this one marriage. There was no other way, unless…

"There might be an alternative. We could change King Jonathan's mind with ease, however changing Alanna of Trebond's mind might not be so easy." She glanced up at him to find him creating a script of some sort. Leaning over his shoulder, she quickly scanned the script he finished writing.

"Interesting. It just might work."

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	10. The Response

Well sorry again for the delay...So I will post two at once...this is a three part story prequel to Last Chance :)

Disclaimer: All characters noticeable belong to Tamora Pierce.

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Moonlight streaking through their bedroom, he got up from the bed feeling too restless. Something was going to happen. It was a horrible gut feeling, the same when his father went for that ride a few days after his mother died. The same gut feeling he felt when Roger pretended his innocence for his father. The same gut feeling after he rode away from the fight in the desert. This time his subconscious was telling him something he would rather not comprehend.

It happened again. Thayet went out to shop with Alanna for better daggers to lend to some of Queen's Riders. The temple that they passed just happened to nearly crush his fiancée, and if not for Alanna there to push her out of the way, she would have died. This time it was slightly more obvious to him, yet he still refused to believe it. Thayet was a sweet woman. Why should the gods try to kill her? Especially Mithros? And with temples crumbling to smother her? Ridiculous.

The scarier part was whenever he prayed to Mithros and even the Goddess on several occasions that Thayet should be safe from all harm, if he had any incense, it would suddenly burst into flames and die out.

Alanna had been worried about the same thing. It was not like the Goddess to turn against her when praying for her fiancé who was also in the path of much destruction. He refused. His theory was absurd, but when he saw disconcerted she was, he told her. There were no laughs, no sarcasm, and no words of him needing to be put in an asylum. She simply took it in and left the room. There was nothing worse than her temper than her icy cold silence.

One week. No word from his Lioness. Every time they passed in the hallways, she simply looked up at him with wide eyes and sprinted after breaking their eye contact.

Fists clenched, he decided to take action and cornered her after one of their council meetings.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"You were right."

"What are you talking about? Is this about the meeting because I don't care about it now. I want to know what is going on and –"

"Your theory was right. The Gods are mad at us, and I don't know why. They refuse to answer me and tell me otherwise. You have to do something, Jon! I can't just sit here and watch two very important people in my life die!" After words of agreement, he consented and told her he would do something about it. But what and how?

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	11. Refused

_The final installment for the prequel for Last Chance. I'll explain many things at the end. For now, just read and Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: All characters recognizable to Tamore Pierce belong to her._

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She knew he tried all he could. He read everything relating to curses and prophecies. Nothing was found. They dismissed the prophecies relating towards the Bazhir because there was nothing possibly there that could relate to them, of course. Even she went to the extent of going back to the ruins in Olau with Myles to see if anything could explain the hatred from the gods.

So imagine her surprise when she decided to journey to the Bazhir for a short break that the Goddess had finally arrived. She had set up camp a while away from the tribe for the night when she arrived to her.

Kneeling, she lowered her head in acknowledgement. The Goddess nodded. "So, have you found anything?"

"No, Great Lady. I had followed your previous advice and could not find anything out."

The gorgeous woman hissed in frustration. "You couldn't find anything," she whispered harshly gritting her teeth.

Biting her lip, she whispered back, "No." Holding on to her ground despite the fear that overcame her, she didn't expect her to sit gracefully next to her kneeled position.

"I cannot come out and tell you. I would hate for you to be forced into anything. I cannot control your lives, but I can guide you and hope that you follow the path I have so graciously provided. What you seek, you refuse to view again. One of your worst fears was acknowledged that day. Think harder Alanna of Trebond and Olau."

"Thank you," she said moving to stand.

"I will leave you with two things. One, this will be one of the last times I will help you out. Until you figure this out for yourself, I can no longer answer your prayers for help in these matters. Grave danger is ahead, Lady Knight. The Gods will halt their assault on your fiancé and the future queen on Tortall in order for you to finish this task. I expect this task to be finished by you and King Jonathan. The outcome is in your control." With that cryptic message for her to sleep on, the fair woman stood to walk out into the desert. She kept her ground until her patroness completely faded away.

She had a certain inkling of what the Goddess was talking about. Suddenly, she didn't feel like going back to her tribe. Saddling her horse after packing up, she rode quickly back to Corus. She would marry George and not even the Gods or her past would stop her. She refused to make Tortall vulnerable with her hot temper. She refused to make herself vulnerable. To the crown. To her past feelings. To Jonathan.

_A/N: So basically, the Gods fear for the disaster for the world that the future generations of King Jonathan and Queen Thayet bring with them. If Alanna marries Jon and becomes Queen, she will raise children that will be powerful and be able to weild that power for many generations to come, thus saving the future. The Gods are a bit evil(Well of course they are...all past civilizations had Gods who sent floods ect..), and they hoped that Alanna and Jon would be smart enough to figure it out. They don't worry for Jon because he would easily tell Alanna that he loves her if she only reciprocated it. So they tell her. She gets the idea and refuses to cooperate. _

_Now this didn't spoil Last Chance because there is so much to this story that hasn't been revealed. And this isn't a major part of the story because that wouldn't be a great A/J story if Alanna is forced to marry Jon Well that was just a basic outline...I'll continue my drabbles again, so don't fret :)_

_Reviews please!_


	12. Chamber

Long time no see? This is another tiny series within the drabbles. Like the past three, there will be another one linked to this because I know you are all just itching to see Jon's view of the Chamber and what he thinks of Alanna going in twice.

Disclaimer: All characters and Chambers are owned by Tamore Pierce except for the grandson of Jonathan of Conte

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It's dark, dank, and gloomy, but she has no choice. She shouldn't be doing this. It's wrong and pure stupidity. The light she holds in her hand goes off quickly as she walks into the chapel. Taking one hard look at the iron door in front of her, she swallows all of her doubts and opens it. It's only after she enters that she remembers that there is no Jonathan to hold her after this. No, she's on her own now, but it doesn't scare her. She needs to know.

Of course, she's more prepared now. She's faced all of her fears before and nothing can faze her now.

Nothing happens for a while. She doesn't dare breathe loudly to ruin the magic inside the Chamber. She wonders if she has ruined it all now. No one had dared enter the Chamber _twice_. It was madness to go through that torture.

Her curiosity propelled her forward to finally glance at the room around her. Nothing was in the room except for a table. She doesn't remember that being there before, but then again, she was preoccupied with surviving the Ordeal.

A sudden movement startles her. She blinks a couple times to see if the image in front of her is real. In front of her at the table sits her beloved knight master tracing a piece of paper with his fingers. She turns to picture he is sketching. A face is drawn framed by long wisps of red hair. Bright red lips and pert nose follow. He doesn't draw the eyes, but sketches roughly a long red dress. On the head he draws a crown. Finally, he draws large eyes filled with amusement. They are startling purple, same as hers.

Another figure takes his place. She walks up to him and notices a few differences about him. He has a softer jaw and the Conte nose is long gone. The blue eyes are there, not as fierce as they used to be, but dulled by hints of hazel. Forgetting the odd features, she turns to the paper in his hands. It's the same sketch Jonathan had just drawn.

What did this signify? She turned around to pace the Chamber. She wouldn't exit unless she had some answers. She didn't enter to create more mysteries.

She looks at the scene through the image window next to him. She flinched at the wonderful sight below. The work of a great king and queen.

The figure is gone.

She finally understands her new fear. It isn't her fear of marriage or her fear of becoming queen. It is the fear of losing Jonathan to someone actually worthy of him. Someone who could turn the country into something so much more by using the resources to the fullest. Someone who could produce an heir.

But deep down, she fears he won't let go of his fantasy. The fantasy where they both are married and she has the crown on her head. She knows she cannot let go of him until he lets go of her. They are both so dependent on each other. She is his sword arm that keeps him going through everything, and he guides her through it all.

She exits the Chamber, weary with the baggage of her deepest fears which she has never faced till now. By passing through the Chamber, she was enlightened of the fear; it just doesn't necessarily mean that she overcame it. She realizes that the Chamber tests you on not how to overcome your fears and face them, but it tests you on whether you can see past your fear. This is one test she couldn't pass no matter what.

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	13. Chamber part 2

Part Two to the Chamber mini series.

A/N: There will be four parts...two in Alanna's POV and two in Jon's POV

Disclamier: I don't own anything by Tamora Pierce...

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It was his sixth sense. He knew everything about her. Even when they were apart, he knew how she felt to what she might be thinking at certain moments (he secretly wished she was thinking of him like he was thinking of her). He never told her, and he didn't plan on doing so anytime soon.

So, when he abruptly awoke, he knew something was wrong. She was doing something unheard of, and he could feel her guilt as his heart thumped unevenly at her in any trouble.

The warmth of his fiancée – he cringed – caused his own guilt to increase tenfold, and he quietly slipped out from under the covers to walk out into his balcony.

The cool air did nothing to help him forget about the mistakes he made and would make with the gorgeous lady in his bed. He hated their situation, the relationship they were to be bound by in several hours. Tomorrow, they would set off for their marriage and honeymoon, and unlike most men, he wasn't looking forward to it.

He longed for the moments where he could feel _her_ red silky hair under his fingertips as they conversed by the warm fire. When he could feel her every emotion buzz through him when they were together discussing dreams for the future. It was different, and though it took him a while to prove that to her, it did nothing but tear them further apart. They weren't the same friends as before and were not lovers as they used to be. They were two indifferent people working for the better of the country that shared a hard and difficult past, and he didn't know how to change the awkwardness between them.

_So here we are now, _he thought bitterly. _With the country settled and flourishing while we look on in misery. Was this the plan, Alanna? To remain heart-broken, envious of our partners and full of anguish over how the whole affair turned out? For our entire lives?_

Running his hands through his hair, he tried to shake off the harsh reality that settled on him. He looked down at the scenery below him for a good distraction.

A figure walked swiftly towards the Chamber with the head down in thought. Red hair glinted in the moonlight, and his eyes followed the figure with a knowing gaze in their depths.

He often wondered if he had conquered his fears. The Chamber may have put him through all his past fears but that didn't mean he didn't discover newer fears. He didn't even have to think about the fears that were running through her mind. It was all up to her now. He wished her marriage was before his, but she had to be the one to make the decision. If she doesn't do anything about it, it was past the point of no return for any salvation for their relationship.

He looked around for any sign of her, but she had already entered the Chamber. _If I meet her when she exits, maybe, just maybe, she will see that we are meant to be. Mithros let the Chamber reveal the truth to her and help me see that there is hope. _

He walked over to his chair, grabbed his cloak for her, and exited the room with the sole goal of meeting up with her on appropriate terms for what may be the last time in their entire lives.

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	14. Chamber part 3

A warm cloak enveloped her as she exited the Chamber. For few minutes, she was unaware of anything and so aware of his presence. He alone stood out. His grim face outlined by stubble as he led her to a set of rooms. A second glance around told her that it was her previous squire chambers. A small part of her jumped with glee that no one had tarnished the memories in that room by staying in it.

She still said nothing as he got up and about to set a fire, make tea with the utensils they had left behind in the room, and hum a sad tune the soldiers sing when a loved one has died. He knew. Any chance between them had died, and he knew it. Whether or not he chose to believe it was still unknown to her.

He brought her over to the front of the fire, and they sat down side by side enjoying the warm drink.

She couldn't stand the silence anymore. "It's not that –"

"Are you giving me an excuse?" he asked incredulously.

"It's not an excuse," she replied back vehemently.

"Then why," he turned towards her, "are you going against everything we have. I love you. I know you love me no matter how much you deny it. It's just duty that separates us. That's not a good enough reason, and you know it!"

"It's not just duty, Jon. There is so much more behind this. And duty is a big thing. We owe it to these people. We swore we would help them, not put them in a horrible position."

"Care to elaborate, mistress all knowing? Do you have such low self esteem as to think you would put the country in ruin? Have you no faith in all that you do. You're a Lady Knight! There's nothing you cannot do."

"I cannot marry you! The country will be destitute with me on the throne. I will not be a Lady Knight any longer while I am still Queen. For goodness sake, Jonathan! I am too young to be tied down." She pulled at loose strings trying to find a way to not fall to her desire.

"I am young as well, and I do not shirk my role. We get more freedom than you think we do. Just because my father and mother refused to leave their confines in the palace does not mean we have to." She dragged her eyes away from his steel hold on her to look towards the flames.

"I cannot. You must understand. My temper, decisions, and unorthodox ideas will put this country to ruin. I will drag us all down. We cannot rule this country while many of our ideas coincide. The Conte blood runs in you, which means you will not step far from tradition." She shook her head sadly as tears slipped from her eyes. "I am far from tradition, and I am not worthy of this role."

"You are as every bit worthy as Thayet! I cannot lose you. I need you. I cannot live like this." His agony pierced her and she sobbed silently taking in his consent of love. "Please, you cannot do this to me. Does this country mean more to you than me?"

"Jon," she choked. "You know I care for you, but I swore I would take care of this country first." She could feel her will waver as the light from the fire showed her his track of tears. "We both swore Jonathan. We swore," she whispered. Grasping for his hand, she sought it and brought it close to her heart. He moved in closer and wiped away her tears. The love and adoration filling those eyes forced her to bite her lip to control the fresh batch of tears willing to spill over.

"I love you. My heart beats to keep you alive. Marry Thayet. I will watch over all your children as if they were my own. I love you desperately but we can't be together with the jobs we have. I don't want you to think that I would ever deny our love. I was young and foolish and did not see what was in front of me. I had not seen how deep our relationship goes. I know now from every mistake I've made that what we have is what keeps us going. It's impossible to deny what we have."

"Then why go against it?" His pleading expression nearly broke her resolve.

"I'm so sorry. I truly am sorry. Please understand why. Please do this for me. For me…" She couldn't handle it. The emotion overtook her as she freely sobbed. Although he brought her into his embrace, she wouldn't relinquish her hold on his hand. It was her last opportunity of being open to him before he was another's, and she refused to let this moment end now.

They sat for a while in their embrace. Even when the dawn broke out and the fire dimmed, she refused to let them get up and face the reality – he would be a married man in just a mere five hours. Every moment they shared, every token of love given, every fight, just everything about them, she remembered in those hours. Those were the hours she would never forget. Even when she would watch the vows he and Thayet would take, it was this moment of reflection that would hold her steady and let him go for the last time.


	15. The Wedding

Disclaimer: I don't own anything by Tamora Pierce

A/N: The Wedding from Jonathan of Conte's POV

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The feeling of uneasiness settled over him. He just wanted to get this day over with. Swallowing the increasing lump that formed at his throat, he settled into the nervous groom position. After all, the country had to know that the future monarchs loved each other in order for there to be peace and relief spread throughout the kingdom. He did it for the Conte line. He did it for the people. Most of all, he did it for her.

"Suck it up, Jon. She accepted you, and she's not going to abandon you anytime soon." Gary was too gullible to fall into this trap.

"But I…What if she…You never know…" he faked his faltering and tried to hide the grin at his credulous cousin.

"Don't worry. I thought Cythera would be the same and look at us! A newborn son already. Just take deep breathes and try to focus on something else. Like Alanna's wedding! She's going to have to go through the same thing!" Chuckling to himself, he left to help his wife calm his crying son. A scowl formed upon his face at the thought of _his _Alanna getting married to someone other than himself.

"Your face might perpetually freeze like that at the rate you are going at." Myles's grin soon turned to a smile of sympathy. "In the long run, it was the best choice." Suppressed rage nearly choked him.

"How dare you! You have no idea what I am going through. You think it's for this country? It's for her. She wants me to not marry her. It was all her choosing. You cannot possibly think that I see this as the best future for the kingdom. It –"

"It was a sacrifice you had to make." Sympathy and sorrow filled the space between them. "What I wouldn't give to walk Alanna down this pathway to you," the old man murmured.

"Then you agree, that Alanna is making the worst choice?" he softly asked. A spark of hope lit up inside of him as the thought of her father strayed towards his thoughts.

"No. I agree wholeheartedly with Alanna. Though she might have been a better queen, the country needs someone they can trust in. Thayet is the perfect person for the role." Anger flared as his hope died out.

"So you don't have any faith in your daughter? What is wrong with this family!" he huffed and turned towards the guests. Everyone was nearly in position now motioning the beginning of the wedding.

"If Thayet hadn't arrived, Alanna might have been the person for the job. Without a doubt you would have secured her hand and she would be the one walking towards you. Sadly, that is not the case and Thayet is a better bride for you in the sense that she fits you as well as can rule the country without much uprising from the people."

Teeth clenched, he turned away fuming. After calming himself, he put back on the mask of the nervous groom. "You might want to sit down, Sir Myles. The wedding is about to begin," he told him with an air of authority.

"Good luck, King Jonathan. Mithros bless you on your wedding day." Bowing his head, he left to sit down. _Good riddance. No point in talking to him; it simply was a repetition of her words. Let's get this over with…_

He steeled himself as the music played, signaling the beginning of his wedding and a long life of misery. And all at the cost that she would be happy. He would do anything, just for her.

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